02/03/2005
Okaynana
Nana's Blog
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20.01.2026: be greatful!
I've been battling a mega huge illness these past few days. I won't get into all the particulars but.. I've been feeling ROUGH. I'm definitely gonna be taking health less for granted. I've been feeling a lot more greatful about everything this past year but i've never realised how many people around the world are probably more sick than me at the moment, or are chronically ill. bleh. Life is unfair in a lot of regards, but in some regards i do have it better.. 16.01.2026: How to (properly) detransition (and be normal about it)
Is this title clickbait? Not really. I don't really Identify as a detransitioner, since I still don't identify as my birth gender (I don't even identify with the concept of gender). Nevertheless, for half a year I was on oestrogen before deciding that hormones weren't for me. Knowing and figuring out that I wasn't a female was just as hard as knowing and figuring out that I wasn't a male.
From other identities that I used to identify as, they feel somewhat attatched from them. I used to be a communist, I used to be a zionist, and these identities in no way influence my day-to-day life now and how I view the world. My lived experience as a trans person however, has. It particularly sucks knowing there are a lot of detransitioners who are bitter, angry and transphobic. I think it's possible to leave a piece of identity behind (or, hell, even to regret it!) without extending regret to members of that community.
I did a lot of things during my "detransition" that were obvious mistakes, that could have been VERY detrimental to my health. I'm going to document them here, just incase anyone else ever goes through this same experience, or incase you are curious to see what a typical detransition is like.
Don't overthink
For the last month of my transition, there was one word to describe my mental state: paranoid. I was out to basically everyone, presented femininely, and by that time I had (some) breast growth (which has since, for the most part, reversed somehow) and a feminine face and body. I thought oestrogen would be the antidote for my body dysmorphia and, unfortunately, it wasn't. I was still insecure and miserable, except now my body and face were changing so rapidly that it was hard for me to adjust.. It's definitely understated online how much hormones affects your mental state, and I don't mean that in the traditional sense. It was like my thinking process itself had changed; I felt bitter, scornful, felt emotions way more intensely - overall it was just so hard to keep up.The only person I told that I was doubting whether i wanted to carry on taking oestrogen was my partner. He said something along the lines of he could tell, and that my mannerisms were changing, and eventually I was so jaded with oestrogen that I just stopped taking it. I had to take that plunge without erm-ing and ahh-ing any further. At the same time, however, transitioning isn't a race, and neither is detransitioning.
Don't quit cold turkey
When your oestrogen naturally supresses your testosterone, it's generally a good idea not to just quit cold turkey. for the next 2ish months, I felt like a zOMBIE. The main issue is that I was tired all the time. I could sleep for 15 hours and still be tired. I would regularly wake up at 4pm. I had headaches constantly. It was BAD. It's especially bad because a lack of sex hormones can cause osteoporosis and a whole host of other issues. If you're going to stop taking hormones, for the love of God, tell your damn doctor, and figure out a way from there. There is no shame in telling.Don't air out your business
You are not obligated to tell people you are detransitioning. You can if you WANT, but there isn't any compulsion or need. Besides, they will put two and two together, and if your friends aren't cool with it or are angry with it, DEFINITELY get new friends. For me, it wasn't a huge issue, since I used they/them pronouns back then too, and still use the same name since it is gender neutral, and it will be a cold day in hell before I get comfortable with my birth name. Because of this, sadly I can't give advice on how to tell others about reverting your name and pronouns. Sorry.Don't be weird
After I stopped oestrogen, I am not afraid to admit that I felt an element of regret, particularly about my chest size and that I was no-longer completely flat chested. If you stop taking hormones and you feel regret about e.g. a deeper voice, or bigger chest size, it is absolutely normal to feel regret, but don't make your problems other people's problems. I will never understand how detransitioners, who lived life as trans people for an amount of time, can feel so much anger and hatred towards trans people.Oh, and by the by, it is not a bad thing to be a detransitioner. There will always be weird people on instagram or reddit, both trans and cis who will give you grief, or even say microgressions like expecting you to be transphobic. But at the end of the day this is about you, not them. They don't have the lived experience of experiencing gender dysphoria TWICE. For me, it made me feel uncomfortable in my own body, because I viewed transitioning in a very binary way, and thought that if i couldn't be happy presenting femininely OR masculinely, I was a lost cause. Nowadays, i'm comfortable not thinking about it and living my life in the inbetween. I simply don't care about gender anymore.